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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143498">Half</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erik_Heinrich/pseuds/Erik_Heinrich'>Erik_Heinrich</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Star Trek</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Connor is Chief Medical officer, Gavin and Eli are half brothers, Gavin has burned hands, Gavin is Captain, Gavin is Half vulcan, Hank is Lt Commander and a chemist, Hank is dad of the ship, M/M, Nines is first officer and Biologist, Pon Farr concerns, RK900 is called Nines, Uss Detroit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:28:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,511</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143498</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erik_Heinrich/pseuds/Erik_Heinrich</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Half Vulcan Gavin Reed is Captain of the Uss Detroit, along side him is his android first officer Nines. A recent mission on planet has dug up old concerns for Gavin. He had a problem that should not exist, he was unbonded. In an effort to save himself from an early death, Gavin has chosen to court his android first officer and best friend. However, he is uncertain if Nines can feel at all. </p><p>This is a story about a man awkwardly trying to court an Android in order to save his life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connor &amp; Upgraded Connor | RK900, Elijah Kamski &amp; Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson &amp; Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Reed900 Reverse Big Bang</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. And so it Begins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story is for my first Reverse Big Bang. Ive been lucky enough to be paired with the artist @shanesmitharts where you can find on both tumblr and twitter. There will be art from both them and myself in this story.  . Lucky me the art was a star trek au, my other most favorite fandom with this one. very excited.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>first chapters are always the toughest for me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Captain's 'expression' was stern. He held himself upright and his steps were sure footed and filled with intent. The bridge was deathly silent as he traversed across it. Stopping in front of the pale ensign, the half Vulcan turned his gaze down to him.</p><p>"Ensign Seidel," He spoke in a deep and unmoving tone.</p><p>The Captain was nowhere near yelling but his voice still made the young man shake. Even when the ensign's icy blue eyes seemed to melt into tears, the Captain did not soften his lecture. Mistakes as potentially deadly as his were not tolerated on Reed's ship. </p><p>All eyes darted back to their stations when the Captain turned his back to the shaken Ensign. Only his first officer had continued to watch his Captain undisturbed. </p><p>----</p><p>Alpha shift ended in another tense silence. Both Captain and first officer walked down the corridor shoulder to shoulder, step in step, as they had for the past three years of their mission aboard the USS <em>Detroit</em>. Reed ran a strict ship, and he didn't tolerate anything less than the best from his crew. Things ran smoothly because he insured it, and many fresh Ensigns didn't last long on Reed's ship. </p><p>Because of this, Reed had built a sort of reputation as a hard ass, and relations with his crew had been rather lacking. If ever asked about their Captain, many would choose a colorful array of words to describe him, and the picture those colors painted was never a kind one or very pleasant to the eyes. However, all was silent whenever the Captain or his Android giant were near.</p><p>They were in Gavin's personal quarters, as he had requested again that day. Dressed in a slightly more casual shirt, it's green color did wonders to his olive skin and moss filled eyes. </p><p>Nines watched Gavin read something on his pad from behind the report on his HUD, he never asked of what. There was stubble on his chin and dark bags under his focused eyes. Nines knew first hand that Gavin didn't get enough sleep, even for a Vulcan, simply because he couldn't. His insomnia led to many nights spent with the Android who never needed rest. With a sip of his coffee Gavin's eyes turned to him.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Ensign Seidel."</p><p>"Yes, Ensign Seidel, what of him?"</p><p>" He graduated from the academy only 70 stardates ago."</p><p>"So, what? You saying that excuses him?" Gavin asked sharply.</p><p>"Not at all. As Captain, you displayed the appropriate response."</p><p>"Then that's all I need to hear." He dismissed the conversation with a wave before returning to his reading.</p><p>"Very well." and he dropped the subject, at least he could tell his brother he tried.</p><p>Gavin had gone for another sip of coffee and grunted when he found it was empty. Silently and smoothly Nines stood from his seat and grabbed the cup to refill it. Placing the steaming mug on the desk rather than to Gavin's hands.</p><p>"Thanks." Nines simply nodded back to him as he reclaimed his spot on the chair. </p><p>It was such a delicate thing. The subject of Gavin's hands, that, Nines had never attempted to bring it up. They were very clearly burned at the palms. An odd injury it seemed, however the specifics of how and when were unknown to Nines. It obviously bothered Gavin, as anywhere aside from his quarters he wore gloves. It had taken months before he first allowed Nines to see them. In that time Reed had been rather tense in his body language, had been waiting for the response he had always  received before. It never came up and soon so too did his concerns. </p><p>"I'd like to review our up coming mission. Its right up your alley."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>"Yeah, you'll get a chance to study the wildlife there. First study goes to our ship."</p><p>Nines had known about the mission, had since they first received the signal. But he found he liked it much better when Gavin told him. It seemed to please Gavin as well, and he often used up coming missions to divert conversation lulls or to distract away from any subject deemed too personal. That and Gavin appeared to genuinely enjoy discussing his work. Passionate even, about what he was out here doing. Mind you, it never appeared outwardly as strong as a smile, but his eyes did glow brightly and his voice dripped with honey. Both golden like the light of dawn. And when he really lost himself his hands and motions became quite animated. </p><p>Not many people saw this of him, or perhaps they didn't care to see. Then again very few dared to look Gavin in the eyes. Which was a shame really. </p><p>Gavin continued with his review of the mission details and despite being nearly there, Nines found himself in a buzzing kind of anticipation. So that when the time came, the android was practically bouncing on his toes by the transporter. The Android didn't pout, but Gavin saw as much in his yellow LED when he was told he would not be a part of the landing party that day. </p><p>"Captain, why am I not beaming down?"</p><p>"Relax, Tin can," He said in a shockingly affectionate tone, one that made the brows raise on Nines head.</p><p>Seeing this and remembering where he was, Gavin visibly closed off. Once again becoming the imposing figure of Captain rather than friend. His excitement must have gotten the better of him. Luckily it appeared that the few who occupied the transporter room hadn't heard or noticed Gavin's friendly familiarity with his Android first officer.</p><p>"We have plenty of time here. I'm taking the botany crew down first and just incase the plants are poisonous or some shit, I want you at the com. Then tomorrow you can lead your team of biologists into wonderland." Gavin's vocabulary still stemmed from the personal side, which despite the other crew members being present, meant that he was really looking forward to this.</p><p>That fact did well to stutter Nines' mechanical heart and it helped soothe the disappointment of not going down first. He would always get to see Gavin glow about it later that day. Just for him did Gavin allow himself to glow. That was his benefit as '<em>best friend</em>' as Connor called it. Then when it would come his time he would share all he had observed and watch as the information sparked even brighter flames in his Captain. </p><p>"Very well, Captain. Safe travels."</p><p>Fixing down his shirt, Gavin nodded to his first officer before stepping on the transporter himself.</p><p>"Energize." </p><p>Nines watched as the Captain became a constellation of champagne stars, a shimmering of blushing fireflies, before the light of him faded into nonexistence.</p><p>His eyes remained fixed on the spot where his Captain once stood for but a moment, before turning on the axis of his right foot and smoothly stepping down the hall to claim his position in the Captain's chair.</p><p>The air felt cold and ship dark in its bright lighting, the buzzing flat in its uncarbonated energy, and the loud hum of the engine a whisper. Despite being filled with crew members the <em>Detroit</em> was lifeless in the absence of her Captain. At least, that's how it felt to Nines.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter is the shortest of the bunch. the rest are all far longer than this don't worry.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Raw</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter has art done by myself as i was inspired by my artist to draw something aswell. Mind you, i don't think im very good at it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nines had waited silently, imposingly as he sat like a king in the Captain's chair. It was in times alone did he look most robotic. He did not like this waiting.</p><p>Down on planet, Gavin took in the scenery. A long and vibrant green field separated the two walls of thick foliage from swallowing him and his crew. Away from the group, Gavin allowed himself to relax some. He could let his face soften and allow himself that child like wonder of exploring a new world, without worry of who might see. Empty, practically an entire world to himself. He really had no business down here aside from the fact that he was Captain, but it didn't take a Botanist to know that thorns hurt, and there were a lot of them. Everywhere, on everything even the grass. It was a wonder life here thrived at all, and yet it had. From the little Gavin had seen before their presence scared the wildlife off into the edge of the jungle, Gavin knew Nines would be over the moon. The mouths on these things were some of the oddest Gavin had ever seen. Yes, Nines would love this.</p><p>When Gavin finally came out of his thoughts it was then he noticed how far he had wandered off. His crew were nowhere insight, not even his sensitive hearing could pick them up, only an eerie silence filled his ears. No trouble though, he knew where beam down point was. In a strange new place it was never a good idea to be off alone. It was on his journey back that he began to feel light headed.</p><p>---</p><p>"When was their last check in?" The Commander had asked hoping his internal clock had malfunctioned.</p><p>"2 Hours and 24 minutes ago, sir."</p><p>As he thought, they were late. Reed was never late and that made Nines fear the worst.</p><p>"And they aren't responding?"</p><p>"No Sir, no response from any of them."</p><p>Nines sighed into his hands before rising.</p><p>"I want a full security team ready to beam down. Connor, I want you to bring a full med kit." Nines spoke into the arm of the chair.</p><p>"Aye sir, on my way."</p><p>"Lt. Commander Anderson you have the com."</p><p>"I'm coming." The gruff voice responded however hardly heard.</p><p>Stepping into the transporter room the sight of eager young security officers stood ready. Many reds had never seen action on the <em>Detroit</em>. Whether they believed it or not that was a very good thing, and they had Reed to thank for it. With Connor arriving shortly after, the command to energize was given.</p><p>"Set phasers to stun. We don't want to disrupt the ecosystem, no footprints." The men nodded as the Android checked his tricorder.</p><p>"Any readings on them?" Connor asked.</p><p>"Life signs are dense but I am getting their signature off in the direction." Nines pointed toward the setting sun.</p><p>"Alright everyone, spread out but don't enter the tree line. Keep communication frequent." Connor yelled out as they set to their search.</p><p>"Did you talk to him?" Connor asked after the other men had all gone ahead of them.</p><p>"Now is not the time." Nines sighed.</p><p>"A simple yes or no."</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Did he listen?"</p><p>"No." and Connor frowned at that.</p><p>"The Captain had done nothing wrong. I do not see why it concerns you."</p><p>"Morale on the ship is rock bottom." Connor sighed.</p><p>"We can discuss Morale later. Right now I need you to focus on finding our missing crewmates." It was a tone that was quite adamant in its position, and so Connor backed off the topic.</p><p>Nines had heard the phaser fire before his security team called in.</p><p>"Sir, we've found them!"</p><p>"Report." Nines barked into his communicator as he ran to the point of the sound.</p><p>"The bastards fucking attacked us!"</p><p>"Is anyone injured?" Nines asked saving his lecture about choice words for later.</p><p>"We're fine, our sleeping friends seem so too aside from a few cuts."</p><p>"Stay where you are. I'm on my way." and Nines had sworn he heard a 'no shit' from the other end as he shut his communicator.</p><p>A very long talk waited him indeed.</p><p>"Connor, what do your readings indicate?" Nines inquired as he met up with the rest of the landing party.</p><p>"It's too soon to be sure. I need to get them back to sickbay first."</p><p>"Where is the Captain?" and his LED spun amber when he noticed the absence of the half Vulcan.</p><p>"We haven't-" Connor's reply went interrupted by a fist fight passing through the two.</p><p>"Stop this, the both of you!" Nines yelled pulling the man off the other just to have the assault aimed at himself.</p><p>Both security men, however fell to the prickly grass thanks to Connor's hypospray.</p><p>"Get these men up to sickbay. I'm going to continue searching for the Captain."</p><p>"I don't like what this place is doing to them." Connor gestured to the uncharacteristic crewmates.</p><p>"I've noticed, we'll share theories later. I don't want you here when night falls."</p><p>"Be careful, Reed may be in a similar state as we found the Botany crew."</p><p>"I am prepared for the possibility." and he traversed with his back to the sun with harden eyes.</p><p>As night fell the wildlife dispersed and Gavin's unique genetic signature came in clear. It showed Gavin quite a few meters into the thorned forest, but otherwise stagnant, which was a cause of concern for Nines. His Captain could be seriously injured, and as much as he wanted to call out for him everything told Nines that it was a bad idea for many reasons.</p><p>Getting through the thick foliage was difficult if almost impossible was it not for Nines advanced sight, and it seemed like hours before he finally made it within a few feet of Gavin's location. Phaser in hand, his systems were on high alert. He did not know what he would find there waiting for him.</p><p>Finally face to face, the answer to Nines question was made clear. Reed's signature was not moving simply because he was stuck. Relief filled his circuits at seeing his Captain alive, but as he approached closer it was made very obvious that something was wrong.</p><p>Every limb had managed to mangle itself into the thick vines. Thorns dug sharp into nearly every inch of his olive skin and coppered blood flowed down over his moss filled eyes and soaked shadows into what was left of his torn uniform.</p><p>A sound low in it's frequency and resonating deep in his chest, filled with both rage and fear came from behind his Captain's bared teeth. Face contorted into something wild and raw in its intentions. Again as it seemed he had done for hours before, he wriggled and writhed against the strength and hold of the vines trapping him in place. It only caused its thorns to penetrate deeper still.</p><p>Quickly stunning the Captain as to stop him from causing himself anymore harm, Nines waited for him to go limp before freeing him from the vines' grip.</p><p>"Two to beam up"</p><p>---</p><p>Carrying the unconscious Captain to sickbay himself, Connor explained what happened on planet.</p><p>"It seems the plant life has its own defense mechanism against foreign bodies. Which as far as earth is concerned isn't anything new. Much like the Acacia that releases ethylene to make their leaves taste bitter and their warning signal is carried by the wind to other trees of the same species. Or Elms and Pines that attract wasps to deal with the attacker or heck, even common grass. The point is, when our buddies went poking around the plant life, this time instead of a bitter taste or wasps, it caused them to become hostile and wild. As the two of us are not organic in the way our Terran crewmates are, we were unaffected."</p><p>"Will they be ok?"</p><p>"Oh yeah, they'll be fine. Now that they've been removed from the environment the effects will start to wear off. Some of the landing party are actually starting to come around. However, I want to keep them here over night for observation."</p><p>"Any room for one more?" Nines gestured to the bloodied figure in his arms.</p><p>"Actually, sickbay is at compacity, but his wounds appear to be all minor." Connor said looking him over.</p><p>"I suppose it's better this way. I'm sure the Captain would not like to be seen like this. I am capable of treating his wounds in his quarters. Please give me what is required."</p><p>"And I assume he'll wish to keep his scars?" Connor turned to grab the kit he prepared earlier, it seemed he expected this.</p><p>"As he has stated before."</p><p>"Alright, call if you have any trouble. When he wakes up he should still be out of it, however I think you can manage." Throwing the strap over Nines neck, Connor shooed him off.</p><p>In his quarters, Nines removed Gavin's blood soiled clothes and laid him down on his bed. He made quick work washing away the drying blood from his skin with warm water. What was left were an array of rather small and large cuts. Their location only visible due to the inflammation around them and the fresh beads of jade that surfaced.</p><p>Nines had just opened the small jar of ointment when Gavin awoke from his forced unconsciousness.</p><p>Both growl and pinched expression returned, and he made to attack the android. Nines pressed a hand down on Gavin's bare chest firmly and he hadn't the energy left to lift himself off the bed. Even still his arms reached and clawed at whatever he could get at.</p><p>Confident in his ability to restrain him, Nines continued with his main objective. With both his index and middle fingers together, he dipped the pads of them into the translucent ointment.</p><p>What he found most odd, was that when he made contact with the first cut, Gavin had abruptly stopped growling. His eyes widened, his breathing picked up and shallowed and the tips of his beautifully pointed ears burned green. His face displayed clear shock and confusion but as of why Nines wasn't certain.</p><p>As Nines continued the action of treating Gavin's wounds, Reed stopped attacking and so Nines let go of his chest.</p><p>Gavin had never once stopped looking at Nines as he now had both hands free to apply the ointment with. As he traveled down the legs, Nines noticed another sound rumbling from the half Vulcan's chest. Only this time as it grew in volume its sound was much softer, more pleasant in origin. By all means it sounded like a purr. He had never heard his Captain make that sound before, and despite being in a state in which he could not answer, Nines gave him a questioning look anyway.</p><p>Logging the question and audio away for later, he completed the first half of Gavin's wounds. There had been so many cuts that by the time Nines reached his back, Gavin had been laying content and rather close to sleep. It seemed even wild, he had let go of his concerns around Nines.</p><p>"Nines?" The voice was rough and confused but clearly tame once more.</p><p>"Welcome back to the world of domestication, Gavin." He said warmly.</p><p>"What happened?" Gavin asked trying to push himself up.</p><p>"I will give you a thorough report after you have had a chance to rest, but I will tell you that everyone is ok." and Gavin fell back onto the bed with a groan.</p><p>"So what am I doing here and not in sickbay?"</p><p>"Sickbay was full and your wounds are all minor. Both Connor and I believed it better to have you here." Nines answered continuing to trace Gavin's back with his fingers.</p><p>"G-good" and he cleared his throat,</p><p>"That's good." and he laid his head back down on his pillow as his first officer unknowingly peppered each cut on his body with kisses.</p><p>Burring his face deeper into his pillow, Gavin affectively hid away the blush on his cheeks. Aware of himself once more, he restrained the purr that wanted to escape him. He knew better than this. He knew Nines was unaware and so that made each kiss void and without meaning.</p><p>Even still, each touch sent a spark through him and it took great effort not to shiver. Gavin never had to deal with such stimulation before. Never once had anyone wanted to kiss him, Human or Vulcan, and so he never missed what he never knew.</p><p>And when Nines left him with a gentle 'Goodnight.', Gavin had felt the overwhelming void the lack of Nines kisses gave him. But then, it had always been this way. Nines had kissed every cut on his skin and it made his entire body feel charged and buzzing.</p><p>It brought to surface the yearning his mind had to bond with another. That thought brought on another one, one he had suppressed all his life. He was unbonded. He was 36 and was lucky so far that his <strong>time</strong> hadn't come sooner, he gave that to his human half. But he was an adult, and Pon Farr laid ahead any day now.</p><p>It had to be soon and with it the blood fever and soon after that, death. Vulcan parents bond their child to another at the age of seven for the soul purpose of avoiding death. *Less than a marriage but more than a betrothal.* It would bring the two together when the time came to the place of Koon-ut-kal-if-fee. Marriage or challenge.</p><p>If Gavin did happen to somehow survive the first one, he'd still have another to worry about seven years later. He was screwed. It's not like he could find a bondmate, after all his burned hands made it nearly impossible to form bonds, not without extreme pain. He'd have to endure it. Otherwise all that was left for him was death. Finding a bondmate was the preferred choice. It offered security for the next Pon Farr. If that wasn't possible Gavin would have to find any brave body willing to lend itself to the cause.</p><p>Even that in itself was a problem, no one liked him, and his only friend was an Android. A machine, and often times Gavin forgot the fact that Nines wasn't alive. Wasn't real or feeling. That had been why Gavin liked him so much in the beginning. Regardless, Nines was his mind's first and so far only choice and it seemed his heart didn't quite mind either.</p><p>Could he even bond with an Android? It seemed unlikely, there was probably nothing up there to bond to. He would try, if anything to find out. But if not he could at least survive his time at its bare. It would hurt but he'd be alive, and if he were lucky for once in his life Nines could love him too. If Nines could love that is, if not would Nines let Gavin pretend? This was all under the assumption that Nines would accept the responsibility of saving Gavin's life.</p><p>Well, he'd make the most out of his time now and there was much he could do to possibly increase his chances with Nines.</p><p>It had soothed his anxieties in having a plan and it had made sleep come that much easier.</p><p>-------</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not good at art and expressions ok!!! I'm learning!!!</p><p>if anyone is confused or wants to know more about Pon Farr, the blood fever, the bonding, or Koon-ut-kal-if-fee. you can ask me. OR!!!! I highly suggest you watching the episode Amok Time. Season 2 episode 1 the original series on netflix. Or you know,.... watching all the episodes of TOS.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Strong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i know it might be cliché but it's true when they say <strong>Kids can be cruel</strong></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His grandparents had sent him on his own. There would have been concerned passengers if it were not for his pointed ears. Vulcan children were far more independent than those of earth. One could leave a toddler alone for a day or two and they would be fine, however not recommended. But Gavin was only half Vulcan and the four year old had been panicking if only on the inside. He hoped he made the right choice, going to earth.</p><p> They had asked him if he'd like to stay with them on Vulcan or live with his Father and brother. He had never been to earth, and he had never met his father, and the prospect of having a sibling was exciting. It had always been just himself on Vulcan, he didn't ask what happened to his mother anymore. </p><p> The shuttle from starbase was nearly docked on the beautiful blue planet, and little Gavin stared at its color with wide eyes filled with awe. His first sight of a new world sparked something wonderful in him.</p><p> Stepping out from behind the towering adults, Earth was colder than he expected and he buried his round cheeks into the collar of his brown robe.</p><p> Now what? Wasn't his father supposed to be there waiting for him? He had never seen his father before, how was he supposed to identify him? Would he look like him? Or did Gavin look more like his mother? </p><p>"Excuse me little guy, are you lost?" A young man with blonde hair and blue eyes crouched down to ask.</p><p> His outfit was different than all the other people and Gavin assumed by the markings that he was a kind of security . Which meant he could be trusted. Lifting his tiny hand Gavin preformed a Ta'al.</p><p> "I am waiting for my father. I don't think he's here yet." Gavin replied.</p><p> "Well here let me help. I assume I'm looking for some pointed ears like yours." The man said already scanning the crowd.</p><p> "Incorrect. My father is human, like you."</p><p> "Really? You wanna help me out then? What's he look like?"</p><p> "I do not know." and the man made a face at that and mumbled something.</p><p> "Well lets wait for him over at my station. I don't like having you out here alone. I'm Hank by the way, what's your name?"</p><p> "I am Gavin."</p><p> "Oh! An Earth name. I was afraid I'd butcher it. Ok Gavin, follow me." Hank said grabbing the small suit case full of Gavin's tiny clothes in one hand and Gavin's hand in the other.</p><p> Gavin could feel the man's desire to protect him coming from their joined hands. Gavin saw that in Hank's mind, he viewed him as if he were his own son. It seemed his wife was expecting. </p><p> "You ok there?" Hank asked when Gavin had been staring too long.</p><p> "I am well." and Gavin turned his head in shame.</p><p> It was wrong to invade someone's privacy. He knew that much, but no one had ever taught him how to properly shield. He would try his best not to read his friend's thoughts from here on out. And the cutest expression of concentration placed itself there on his tiny features as he did. </p><p> ---</p><p> "Excuse me, Have you seen my son?"</p><p> "You've lost your child?"</p><p> "He was supposed to be here waiting for me."</p><p> "Give me his description and I'll call it over head."</p><p> "Gavin Reed, four years, Vulcan."</p><p> "Oh so you're his father. Listen bud, you kept him waiting here for nearly 2 hours." Hank crossed his arms.</p><p> "So you have him?"</p><p> "Yeah, let me get him." He turned and disappeared behind a hall.</p><p> "Hey pal, guess who's here for you?" Hank smiled at the young boy coloring on the back of old log papers, what remained of Hank's lunch set aside next to him. </p><p> "My father?"</p><p> "Spot on bucko! He's outside waiting for you." and the little thing got up eagerly.</p><p> "Dad?" He stood nervously.</p><p> "Hey there son, you ready to head out?" He greeted. </p><p> "Thanks for watching him."</p><p> "He's a cute kid." Hank glared as he handed him Gavin's suit case.</p><p> "Goodbye, Gavin." Hank waved with a smile.</p><p> "Live long and prosper, Hank." He replied back with another Ta'al.</p><p> Hank had heard diplomats and other stuffy Vulcans say that same phrase before, but it just melted his heart hearing it come from the little squirt. It was a shame he'd probably grow up to be like all the other Vulcans Hank had met.</p><p> ----</p><p> Gavin had been a mixture of anxious and excited, especially about meeting his brother. It had been such a pleasant thing when he had rushed Gavin with a hug. It seemed he was ecstatic about having a new "best friend forever" and that overwhelming joy leaked over to Gavin.</p><p> He had spent his early years happily by his brother's side. It had been when school started that problems arose.</p><p> The other children were not so kind to Gavin, but his brother had always been there to shoo them off. As they grew older, Eli's popularity grew too as Gavin remained rather disliked.</p><p> He had no friends. They all illogically feared and Hated Gavin, claiming that he'd read their minds and control them. Which was ridiculous. He was a touch telepath and Vulcans could not control anyone. Their fears were a product of their parents' lack of information and understanding. Well, he didn't need friends, he had his brother. That was until he didn't. Always pulled away with friends. </p><p> In middle school a pale girl with short brown hair invited Gavin to eat lunch with her and her friends. For once Gavin felt hopeful, perhaps now he'd finally be surrounded by that warm glow of simple companionship and belonging. That dream seemed so close to a reality when he had been invited to hang out with her and boys after school. He had been so excited that he had forgotten to inform his brother on his plans for that evening. </p><p> Arriving at the park they told him about, he looked around for the sight of them. When he did not find them he assumed he had simply gotten there early. So he waited and watched the sun set over the small lake. The faint smell of barbeque still lingered in the cool air and the charcoal resting in the grill's belly still glowed a dim red, he watched as the breeze brightened its color like a heart beat. </p><p>Suddenly there were hands pushing at the back of him, unprepared for its force he fell over on the dirt with a thud.</p><p>"Hey what's the big deal!?" Gavin huffed bringing himself up when he saw it had been his 'friends' who pushed him.</p><p> They didn't answer as instead they quickly gathered around and trapped him within their circle of bodies, and the boy in front of him pushed Gavin back.</p><p> "Cut it out this isn't funny!" Gavin barked.</p><p> "It is to us." One snickered before his turn to abuse Gavin's balance. </p><p> "Yeah, you actually thought we wanted to be your friend?" their force becoming harsh and bruising to his skin.</p><p> "You should see your face right now!" The young girl with the pale face and short brown hair laughed.</p><p> "Stop!" Gavin yelled.</p><p> "StOp!" They mimicked.</p><p> "Look! He's crying!" One pointed.</p><p> "I'll give you something to cry about!" And once again Gavin was falling chest first onto the ground.</p><p> Knocking over the grill on his way, its embers spilled out in front of him. With the impact of the fall and the weight on his back, his short inability to breath sent him into a panic.  They were using their bodies to hold him down, even his genetic Vulcan strength was not enough to lift them. They pulled his hands forward and it was then with great horror that he realized what they were trying to do. </p><p> "No! Please! Stop! Let me go! I promise I wont go near you or talk to you! I wont tell!" He squirmed under their bodies with no luck of escape.</p><p> "Why are you doing this to me!?" He cried.</p><p> He wasn't sure if they ever answered because his screaming blocked out any words they might have said.</p><p> They only fled the scene when the inquired calls of an adult sounded over from behind them. Gavin curled into himself and sobbed, the man flashing a light onto his hands.</p><p> He was sent to the hospital where they treated his hands as best as they could. He had suffered extreme nerve damage and they had him stay until a Vulcan healer could arrive. When She had, she instructed Gavin to try to mindmeld with her, and when he attempted such an action he pulled his hands back with a scream. The pain had been so intense and sharp that Gavin had felt light headed and sick to the point of vomiting. Upon seeing this, they were told that Gavin would be unlikely to ever form bonds with his burnt appendages. </p><p> When Gavin had tried to form a familiar bond with his brother back when he was seven things had not gone so well. He was never trained on how to. And his grandparents had never formed any bond with him. He knew now that it was because they resented and blamed him for killing their daughter. He had not tried to bond with his brother after that and now it seemed he would never bond with anyone. He wondered, if his mother were alive, if she would have loved him. </p><p> He was asked who burned his hands by multiple people and each time he never said who. It was at this point in his life that Gavin studied the lessons of Surak, of logic and control over emotion. So that, by the time he entered high school he would be strong enough to see their faces day after day.</p><p> And it had helped him. The teachers expected more from him because he was Vulcan and his peers resented him for being favored by them. He was not. They made everything harder for him and when he struggled they called him lazy. </p><p> ---</p><p> When he turned 18 he learned about Pon farr and he grew concerned. His grandparents had not bonded him to another when he lived on Vulcan. Worried for his livelihood he traveled to Vulcan to find a bondmate. That was easier said than done. It was unheard of not to bond your child, as no parent wishes death on their offspring, and so here were almost no Vulcans anywhere without one. The few he did manage to contact did not want him. As he was only half Vulcan and therefore had weak genes, add to that he could not form bonds with his hands, his mind was untrained and undisciplined, and he had not gone through Kahs-wan*. He was an undesirable choice.</p><p> He had returned to Earth that year to start his career in Star Fleet. Perhaps he'd find someone along the way during Academy. Yes, that seemed to sooth his worries. He planned on being the Captain of a Starship. On exploring strange new worlds. On seeking out new life and civilizations. He wanted to be filled with that same wonder he felt all those years ago upon arriving on Earth as a child. </p><p> And He worked harder than anyone in the academy to make it where he was now. Making Captain was an accomplishment all his own. Not as a Vulcan, not as a Human, but as Gavin's. It was his accomplishment and only his.</p><p> Both worlds rejected him and so he belonged to neither. This was his home, his lovely silver lady amongst the vast expanse of stars.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Kahs-wan a Vulcan rite of passage where the child is sent out to survive in the desert alone for ten days . Completing the Kahs-wan would have you considered an adult</p><p>little Gavin totally would have the common bowl cut every vulcan boy had, can you imagine!! it wasn't until later that he went with the common short hair every Terran boy had.<br/>also when i say Hank was a young man I mean YOUNG. barely an adult.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Different</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey hey hey everyone!!!! I give you a chapter with my artist's beautiful and fantastic artwork. this story would not exist without them and they've helped inspire me and give me ideas on how this story should go so much. a wonderful help and very kind. you can find them as Shanesmitharts on Twitter, tumblr, and instagram.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gavin was awake, he had been so for the past hour as he found for once he was unable to quiet his mind. No amount of mediating seemed to soothe or calm his pounding heart.</p><p>Nines would be arriving soon to give his report on the events of yesterday evening. Knowing this, Gavin should be alert or at the very least dressed. However, when he attempted to leave the bed the entirety of his body ached. Each blessed cut tender. It was nothing Gavin couldn't tolerate, but at the moment he'd really rather not. Having made that decision, Gavin laid back down.</p><p>It had quite surprised Nines when he arrived to see Gavin still in bed. His head turned to the Android as he entered further.</p><p>"Good morning, Gavin. Connor will be pleased to hear you are resting." Nines greeted warmly.</p><p>"Coffee?" He asked already heading over to the antique coffee maker, Gavin merely nodded not yet trusting himself to speak.</p><p>"I know it is not something you partake in often, but it is preferred that you eat something." Nines hummed placing the cup down beside him.</p><p>"Yeah, sure." Gavin grunted pushing himself up on his elbows.</p><p>"Wonderful." Nines chirped, pleased Gavin was letting himself be cared for.</p><p>Nines set the tray down on Gavin's lap and it was then that Gavin realized just how domestic his morning had been. It took Gavin a moment to allow himself the blush that wanted to grace his cheeks.</p><p>"Would you like to hear my report while you eat?"</p><p>"Yeah, ok." And Gavin gave that final push up to sit with his back against the wall, the covers falling down his torso and pooling at his waist.</p><p>He allowed it. However, he was flustered and uncertain of this decision. How does one come on to an Android? Should he come on strong or subtle? Would it even matter in the end?</p><p>Lost again in his thoughts, Gavin hardly heard Nines' report.</p><p>"I will return again at the end of my shift if you desire it." Nines said removing the empty plate from Gavin's lap.</p><p>"Yes, please."</p><p>"Very well. Is there anything you need before I take my leave?"</p><p>"No." Gavin responded gently.</p><p>"Rest well, Gavin." The dark silhouette at the doorway spoke before being swallowed by the light outside.</p><p>With a woosh of the doors Gavin was alone.</p><p>Relaxing was not something that came to Gavin lightly, there was always something to be done. Always work to complete. Such a still state of mind was simply not possible for Gavin right now. Not when both his heart and thoughts wouldn't stop racing. Regardless of how he felt, this was something he had to do.</p><p>---</p><p>Nines had been looking forward to his time with Gavin. Working on the bridge was dull without him. However, Nines was possibly the only one to feel that way out of all his crewmates. Nevertheless Nines approached Reed's quarters with hurried strides.</p><p>Knocking rather than using the buzzer, a muffled "Enter" came out form the other side.</p><p>Upon entry Nines noted the appearance of his Captain. He had dressed himself in his green tunic and fixed his sleep ruffled hair. With all the time in the day, Gavin had applied eyeshadow of both gold and green. It had been far long since Nines had last seen Gavin wear the light touch of makeup, always too tired to bother. Nines loved when Gavin wore such things. Gavin was a beautiful man.</p><p>"Welcome back, Tin can." Gavin greeted warmly.</p><p>"I see you are feeling well."</p><p>"That I am. Walk with me." Gavin said at the door.</p><p>"Where are we going?"</p><p>"Observation deck."</p><p>"Any particular reason?"</p><p>"Do I really need a reason to stargaze with my best friend?" And that took Nines aback.</p><p>That was the first time Gavin had ever called him that.</p><p>"I suppose not." Nines spoke out slowly.</p><p>"Good." Gavin turned his face away as he pulled on his gloves.</p><p>---</p><p>"I will see you on the bridge tomorrow."</p><p>"And I'll be glad to be back." Gavin huffed lightly.</p><p>" Goodnight, Gavin." Nines said pleasantly.</p><p>"Goodnight, Nines." and Gavin echoed back its warmth.</p><p>Back now turned, Nines felt a glow within him. Nines had been certain that his Captain stayed to watch him go. He never heard the sounds of the door open or close. It was peculiar, however not at all unwelcomed that Gavin had been in such a pleasant mood.</p><p>The bridge had been quiet in a way that came with the simulated morning light. Crewmates groggy from sleep. It would be easy to attribute such a thing solely to the realm of organic flesh. However it would be drastically untrue.</p><p>Nines had entered his weekly stasis last night, and so he blamed it on low processing power when a response to his Captain's gushing good morning took a moment or two to buffer.</p><p>"Hey Tin can, you hit the snooze button one too many times?" Gavin laughed.</p><p>"Captain?" Nines questioned with wide eyes.</p><p>"Or maybe I should have the best minds set to work on some Android coffee." and now the whole of the bridge were staring too.</p><p>"<em>Captain</em>, are you feeling well?" Nines asked in a hushed tone.</p><p>"Of course Nines. Why wouldn't I be?" Gavin answered back gently.</p><p>"Because we are on the bridge."</p><p>"You think I don't know that?" Gavin crossed his arms.</p><p>Nines' LED chased itself around as the proper actions and response to his situation eluded him completely.</p><p>"Perhaps Captain, you should visit our dear Doctor." Nines said flatly over the whispers of the startled crewmates.</p><p>"I don't need to visit shi-" Gavin stopped his angered yelling, putting his finger down the emotion drained from his face leaving it cold.</p><p>With a loud breath out the nose, Gavin turned sharply on his heel and disappeared within the turbolift.</p><p>---</p><p>"Morning, Captain. How can I be of service to you?" Connor greeted cleaning up some.</p><p>"I am here under the <em>request</em> of my First officer."</p><p>"It's like him to be thorough. Alright take a seat." Connor motioned to the medical bed.</p><p>"So what am I looking at today?"</p><p>"He did not specify exactly what, but I assume he wanted you to evaluate my mental state." Gavin responded as the stern Captain he was known as.</p><p>"Given that you were exposed the longest, it is wise to check up on it." Connor nodded to himself.</p><p>---</p><p>"Everything's fine up there, Captain." Connor said cheerily.</p><p>"Send your evaluation over to the Commander."</p><p>"Already on it." Connor stated as Gavin was already walking out the door.</p><p>---</p><p>"You heard it from the CMO himself. You happy now?" Gavin asked once back on the bridge.</p><p>"I apologize, Captain. I was wrong."</p><p>"Don't sweat it, Nines. You were just looking out for me." Gavin's mood falling back into something soft.</p><p>"So if it's alright with you, <em>Captain Nines</em>, can I return to my post?" Gavin teased, Nines merely ducked his head with a nod.</p><p>---</p><p>Their shift had ended and although Gavin had not invited or stated that he'd like Nines presence in his quarters, the Android made his way over regardless. There was something he wanted to discuss.</p><p>At the door to his Captain's quarters Nines once again knocked on its cold surface. However there was no response from behind the silver seal.</p><p>"Captain, I am entering. If you do not wish me to, say so now." He called out loud enough to be heard, again there was no answer.</p><p>Stepping through, Nines was greeted with the sight of Gavin meditating.</p><p>"Captain." He did not want to interrupt but what he had to ask was important.</p><p>"It's Gavin when we're off duty, Nines. You know this." Gavin responded not yet opening his eyes.</p><p>"I need to talk to you."</p><p>"What ever about?" Gavin asked with false ignorance.</p><p>"I'm certain you are aware."</p><p>"You'll have to be specific." Gavin grunted pinching his brow together.</p><p>"Your behavior on the bridge today, and now. It is uncharacteristic of you."</p><p>"How would you know? Who are you to define who I am? After all, we are made to hide ourselves under layers of logic and chilled apathy." Gavin growled out at the end, his gaze finally opened to look at the floor.</p><p>"Logic over emotion. We do a shit job at hiding it." And a life long bitterness bleed through his words.</p><p>"Gavin?"</p><p>"I'm ok, Nines." Gavin took a long breath in and out before standing.</p><p>"I get it." Gavin huffed.</p><p>"But I'm fine." He paced around to his desk.</p><p>"I mean,.... is it really so bad? Am I so unpleasant to be around when I stop hiding?" Gavin asked with his back turned, his voice exposing some of his vulnerability.</p><p>"No! Not at all. I simply had concerns. So soon after finding you there on planet and seeing you did not know me...... It is in my place as your First officer and,... friend to make certain you are well. For the safety of yourself and the ship."</p><p>"Alright calm down, you pleaded your case, and truth is I'm not mad at you for pressing." Gavin brought his hands up.</p><p>"Since you're here, mind spending your evening with this grouch?" Gavin asked, a small smile tugging at his lips.</p><p>Such open expression on his beloved Captain was still hard to get use to. It made his mechanical heart feel like it was malfunctioning. It was wonderful to see Gavin so animated and even though Nines was assured all was fine by his Captain, and his brother gave him the medical thumbs up, Nines couldn't push away his worries.</p><p>---</p><p>Gavin had approached the day much like he had the last. Openly chatting with his first officer. It seemed gossip about the Detroit's Captain traveled fast and far. Eyes and whispered words followed them everywhere. Out the bridge down every hall and every room. Lunch in the recroom had been no different, and Nines heard every word.</p><p>"Hey Nines, you don't look so hot. What's up?" Gavin asked placing his fork down on the tray.</p><p>"I know you can here them too, Captain." Nines frowned.</p><p>"Is it really bothering you that much?"</p><p>"It is not how the crew should be discussing their Captain."</p><p>"Sure, but they've always talked. What makes now so different?" Gavin shrugged returning to his meal.</p><p>That did not make Nines feel any better about it.</p><p>---</p><p>Stardates Came and went with Gavin's behavior not at all changing. The crew stopped being so interested that they deemed it worth conversation, which was a relief on Nines part.</p><p>There were still somedays where Nines was startled by Gavin's new way of expression, as if it were the first time he heard that golden laugh or seen that smile light up his scarred features. Nines cherished each one, kept them close to his heart, but he wondered if Gavin was truly comfortable with all this.</p><p>After all, Nines had known him for the past three years and in all that time he had never heard him actually laugh or seen him smile. He only ever laughed with an amused huff, and smiled solely with his eyes. It had been enough, it had been far more than he ever showed outside his private quarters. It had been Nines', and only Nines'. No crew member aboard the Detroit had laid eyes on such gentle expression. It had been that patient chipping of Gavin's walls that deviated Nines in much the same way. Until one day both Gavin's and Nines' walls were gone.</p><p>But now Gavin's smile was on full display for everyone to gawk at. His first vibrant smile, nothing more but a spectacle for the bridge crew. It had not belonged to Nines. And maybe that was it. Maybe that was the rotten feeling that lingered in him. Perhaps he was jealous that they received such a thing without ever deserving it. Perhaps Nines was simply being selfish. After all, Gavin wasn't his, he knew that, had always known. He had come to terms with it, and so he horded away all that he could. However, it seemed now each precious moment was being snatched away from him.</p><p>---</p><p>Had Gavin known that his approach at courting Nines was in fact having a negative affect on the Android, he would have dropped it on a dime. He hated this. Hated the way the crew stared. Hated letting them see him like this. Each open expression leaving him feel disgusting and exposed. Each night he meditated to rid himself of his vile behavior. He would do it for Nines, only Nines.</p><p>Gavin had been frustrated, so far his efforts had not been working and so he made adjustments. This time making him feel dirty and shameful on top of everything else.</p><p>He had been touching his first officer now. Walking so close their shoulders met and their hands brushed. Placing a gloved hand on his back when he would 'check up' on him at his station. Lean too close and linger. Press a thigh against the Android's while they relaxed in his quarters. Absolutely filthy.</p><p>And what's worse is that it too appeared to have no affect, in fact Gavin had noticed an increased uptick in Nines resting bitch face, the face he used on misbehaving ensigns and bigoted politicians.</p><p>"I wish to have your list of officers you plan on bringing down for a briefing on the customs of the planets inhabitants, Captain. They are quite, sensitive and prone to aggression if insulted."</p><p>"You'll get it." Gavin nodded.</p><p>"Goodnight then, Captain."</p><p>"You aren't staying?" Gavin asked getting up from his desk.</p><p>"I can not. I have much work to do for our upcoming mission."</p><p>"Couldn't you do that in here?"</p><p>"No." Nines answered coldly before leaving.</p><p>Gavin remained staring at his door long after Nines was gone. Something in him wanted to crumble. He had very few pillars in his life, but there was one that stayed strong and consistent in all his time knowing him.</p><p>It had been a long time since he needed his company, but he would always welcome it if Gavin ever needed it.</p><p>
  <strong>...</strong>
</p><p>It was dark in the science lab, it usually was, However that didn't deter Gavin in anyway. He knew he'd be there.</p><p>Hank was at his station again that night as he was every night. Hunched over his desk with nothing but a small lamp to light the space around him. Heard the woosh of the doors and the even clicking of boots hitting the floor. He hadn't looked up from his work, hadn't needed to, but he greeted his Captain all the same when he finally approached him.</p><p>Standing sharply at the end of his desk, a hand behind his back, his gaze was hard on the dark floor in front of him. Left hand resting on the cool table by the tips of his gloved fingers. He stayed silent which was something Hank had learned to mean that this was a visit of personal matters. Setting his work aside, Hank turned to face him. There was a troubled expression on the younger man's face. Frown prominent and crease deep between his brows. Patiently Hank waited for Reed to speak.</p><p>Having finally finished explaining his troubles, his silence was now an invitation.</p><p>"Be straight forward, son. If it's your life you're worried about don't waste time. Find out or move on." Hank gruffed out with crossed arms.</p><p>"I have a lot to lose if I'm wrong. I'm not sure if I could afford, or bear it." Gavin said holding himself, his entire body somber in mood.</p><p>He wouldn't meet Hank's gaze, but he had known when things clicked for the older man.</p><p>"Oh, Gavin." Hank sighed out sadly.</p><p>"You're in it deep, aren't you?" There was no need to answer.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I loved how in TOS Spock, Sulu, Bones, well they wore eyeshadow. and it looked good and normal on them. made me kind of happy actually. I know that a brush of hands and touching shoulders doesn't seem like such a big del but, to a touch telepath and A Vulcan at the very least it is a big deal.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Absent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>idiot hours again.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I drew Gavin as a vulcan a while ago, so i put him in here. I was supposed to update like a month ago, but depression hit me really hard and I couldn't find it in myself to do anything. EVen things i wanted to do and liked doing. but I finally did it and I'm very happy to have done so.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gavin for once in recent times had been silent as he entered the turbo lift. His gaze at his feet and mouth down swept as Nines stood stiffly beside him. It was far earlier than Gavin or any crewmember would be awake for. Even the simulated light cycle of an Earth day had not yet caught up with Gavin or his landing party. So Nines had assumed that his Captain's displaced behavior was related to both the lack of sleep and coffee, and so thought little of it.</p><p>Thought little of the crease deepening between his brows. Thought little of the exponential increase in shallow sighs, and thought little of his Captain's lack of enthusiasm for this mission in particular. Gavin had always hated being the federations sales man. Interest in a planet simply for Dilithium sake.</p><p>However, red flags and alerts flared and engulfed his senses when Gavin had unawarely broke etiquette and insulted the welcoming party.</p><p>It was hard enough controlling one's own response, let alone the responses of others. In a situation driven by anger and fear, it was fruitless to try.</p><p>He saw it coming. He saw it coming and could nothing to stop it, he could only decide what his next action would be. If there was ever really a choice for Nines. Lay every alternative out bare in front of him, offer him the time to study and analyze each one, he wouldn't spare a glance at them. He would always choose Gavin first.</p><p>Gavin wasn't sure what he had said or what he had done, hell he didn't even remember beaming down. He had been so caught up in his own turmoil of thoughts that he hadn't noticed tensions simmer and boil over.</p><p>He should have been paying attention. If so none of this would have happened, and he couldn't blame anyone other than himself for it.</p><p>He had slipped up and they responded in aggression, as Gavin and his landing party had been briefed on, and his security instinctually, humanly, responded with fear. Their hands quickly floated over to their phasers and then predictable, avoidable, chaos broke loose.</p><p>Even when the firefight ensued Gavin had still been out of it. It wasn't until Nines' steely blue eyes bore holes into Gavin's own, and his massive body drenched Gavin in shadow, that he seemed to snap back to reality.</p><p>One moment Nines was there, he was there with him. Shielding him, covering him from harms way, watching him intently with hardened focused eyes as if desperately trying to memorize a face he already knew he'd never forget. And the next moment he was gone. Nothing but a weight fallen over Gavin , almost as if it were trying its damnedest to crush and suffocate the half vulcan.</p><p>It was no hard thing to calm down both sides, not for Gavin at least. It was no hard thing to get back into their good graces, not at all. However, it had been a monumental challenge to look away, to breathe, to swallow at the sight of the phaser holes in his first officer's back. To send him back up charred and unmoving while Gavin remained and played diplomat. To continue standing tall and strong for his crew, while the guilt in his side wanted to pull him down. This was his fault.</p><p>----</p><p>Beaming up after what Gavin would call a disastrous successful mission, his first stop aboard the Detroit had obviously been sickbay. His heart pounding hard in his side the closer he became, seemed to stop all together at the sight of Connor hunched over in his chair.</p><p>"What is his condition? Will he recover? Can you fix him?" Gavin had asked rapidly not at all liking the expression on the Android's face.</p><p>"No, I can't."</p><p>"That is unacceptable." Gavin said harshly.</p><p>"Listen, I don't have the parts or the knowledge to repair him." Connor explained pinching the bridge of his nose.</p><p>"But he <em>can</em> be fix."</p><p>"Yes. Thank the stars, yes. He can be fixed, but finding someone who knows how are few and far between." Connor sighed.</p><p>"I'll get him on this ship." Gavin frowned out determined, his decision, Connor knew, would be absolute.</p><p>---</p><p>Gavin stared past his own reflection on the dark monitor as he waited for the call to reach his brother's side of the galaxy.</p><p>"Its been awhile, Gav. What's up?" The familiar, comforting image of his brother's face said as it appeared on screen.</p><p>"Eli, You need to fix him." His voice came out more vulnerable than Gavin had expected it to.</p><p>All this time forcibly expressing and practically exaggerating every emotion Gavin had felt for the past month or so had negative effects on his ability to control how he presented himself. Or maybe it was at seeing his dear brother's face that Gavin had unconsciously let his emotional walls down.</p><p>"Whoa! Who? What happened?" Eli replied not expecting that kind of greeting.</p><p>"Nines. He's shut down and Connor doesn't know how to fix him." Gavin would have to ask his brother why later.</p><p>"My androids are both on your ship?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Well the Jericho is on course to intercept with the Detroit in about 2 weeks. I had other plans on getting home, but if you can take me to earth space dock, I can be transferred over to your ship and fix up my android without delaying the Jericho any."</p><p>"Yeah sure, sounds great." Gavin waved off.</p><p>"The Detroit will set a direct course for the Jericho at warp 5. 2 weeks is too long, I need my first officer back now." Gavin informed before shutting off the transmission.</p><p>---</p><p>Gavin had shut down, closed off. There had been no reason to express himself anymore, as so he didn't. Somehow, if the crew ever thought it possible, Reed seemed ever the more frozen, a temperature of absolute zero. They had known he was in pain.</p><p>He would stand at the front of the helm and stare off into the passing stars. They had done this together not so long ago. He would see his brother soon and when Nines was all better they would star gaze again. Either as friends or merely as Captain and first officer, at its core it didn't matter, the important part was having him back.</p><p>
  
</p><p>The days seemed long until the Jericho came into view and Gavin waited rather impatiently for the Jericho's communication channel to open. When it had, the main viewing screen displayed the young heterochromatic Captain at his chair.</p><p>"Markus." Gavin greeted stiffly.</p><p>"Reed, it's good to see you again." Markus greeted in a much more friendly manner.</p><p>"Is Kamski ready to beam over?"</p><p>"Yes, we'll beam him over first then send through his equipment. I'm sorry to hear about your first officer." He ended the transmission sincerely.</p><p>---</p><p>There were no warm greetings amongst brothers, no catching up or reminiscing. Reed had stayed silent through Eli's inspection, watching his sibling's movements as if the rising and falling of his shoulders as he breathed determined the outcome of his first officer's recovery.</p><p>"So?" Gavin finally found the courage to ask after a few moments.</p><p>Sitting back in his chair, Eli sighed.</p><p>"His insides are a bit of a mess. There's a lot of severed wires and unrepairable parts. I'll have to make them from scratch, given that each of my Androids are one of a kind."</p><p>"You can fix him?" He asked tense.</p><p>"Yes Gavin, I can fix him."</p><p>---</p><p>It had been meticulous work. Work that Gavin had learned to be illegal for an Android to preform on another. Some bullshit about limiting creation to avoid domination of the robotic kind. Well, if Eli so happened to program the knowledge into both androids aboard the Detroit on this particular visit, Gavin wouldn't tell.</p><p>After his every shift and when matters on the ship allowed him the free time, Gavin had been there at Nines side. His eyes glazed over and somber as he watched his brother's blue soaked hands work.</p><p>"I'm glad to know you like my Android. He is my latest labor of love." Elijah said one night when he found the silence a little much for his nerves.</p><p>Reed had said nothing, merely lifting his head and grunting absently. It had been about an hour or so into that same night that he spoke.</p><p>"Why do you make Androids?" He had never really asked why before.</p><p>"Why are you Captain of a starship?" It was all he had needed to say for Gavin to hum out in understanding.</p><p>---</p><p>It was a bit disorienting to reactivate in such a way. Systems coming back online one by one. His internal clock was quite a few stardates ahead than he remembered before his untimely shutdown.</p><p>With his optical sensors lining up, he blinked once, twice, a yellow cycle of his LED, before the two images became one and he spoke.</p><p>"Creator?" His voice a slight static.</p><p>"Brings back memories doesn't it?" Elijah gave a tired smile and Nines opened his mouth as if to say something but rather closed it instead.</p><p>"You should probably see your Captain. He's in his room. He'll be... relieved to see you."</p><p>----</p><p>Gavin would have thought it anyone on the ship if it were the buzzer he heard from his door, but it had not been. It had been a knock and there was only ever one person on his ship who knocked on his door. Despite knowing this, it had become habit to absently allow said knocker through.</p><p>He didn't look up from his pad as Nines entered. Silently as he waited for his presence to be acknowledged, Nines scanned the state of his Captain.</p><p>When perhaps too much time had passed that, he wondered if Gavin had forgotten he was there, Nines decided to speak.</p><p>"Captain, my scans indicate that you have not slept in 15.9 days." His voice seemed to startle the half Vulcan.</p><p>"You're worried about me?" Gavin frowned after having processed the situation.</p><p>"What about you, Tin can? You practically died."</p><p>"As you can see, I am fine. It is your health I am concerned with."</p><p>"You're <em>concerned</em> for me?" He said slowly.</p><p>"Yes, very much so."</p><p>"Why?" and Nines tilted his head confused by the question.</p><p>"You are my Captain, my friend. Last I knew when I shut down your safety was not assured. I had no way of knowing if you were ok."</p><p>"Oh so we're friends again. I see. It only took you a few weeks to drop the cold shoulder on me." Gavin grunted uncertain if he were teasing or not.</p><p>"I apologize. My feelings were... well.... illogical." Nines waved his hands around as if juggling to find the right words, he wasn't so positive that he landed on the right ones.</p><p>"Your feelings..." Gavin pondered to himself before standing up from his desk.</p><p>"<em>Can</em> you feel? They ask me that all the time. I wonder if this is how they felt around me, this uncertainty. If I touch you, your mind that is, will I find you there?" He asked now face to face with the Android.</p><p>"I am not averse to you. If it will satisfy your inquiry, I will allow you to look."</p><p>"I can't." Gavin stepped back gazing at his open palms.</p><p>"Gavin, I want to ask again. Your behavior, I've noticed only a change when interacting with myself. May I ask, what is its cause?"</p><p>Gavin let out a heavy sigh as he walked back around behind his desk, as if placing a barrier between himself and the android could protect him in his emotionally vulnerable state.</p><p>"I am an adult man. My time can come at any day now. I would rather not die, I would rather do more than survive. It may be too much to hope for, a bond, but I figured if I were to only survive I could if it were with you. If I couldn't bond, if you couldn't love. I could live with the pain of it all if it were for you." Gavin finished shakily.</p><p>"So you wish to use me for your survival?" Nines spoke up after having processed what Gavin had said.</p><p>"No, Nines. Not like that I-"</p><p>"It is ok Gavin, it is understandable. You are concerned for your life. You may turn to me when your time comes." He said thoughtfully.</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"Oh? You are upset. Are you not relieved?"</p><p>"I-" and suddenly there were tears falling from his eyes, making them look like soft beds of moss on a rainy day.</p><p>"I don't know what this is. My side, hurts." and he held a hand over where his heart was.</p><p>"Shall I get the Doctor?" Nines said as he rushed to his side.</p><p>"No! No. I just need to meditate a bit." Gavin pushed Nines worrying hands away.</p><p>"Then I shall return to my quarters."</p><p>---</p><p>Finally back in his room, Nines sat on the edge of his bed and pondered Gavin's reaction. It had not made any sense to Nines, perhaps he should ask someone living who also knew Gavin as well. Maybe they could shed some light as to why Gavin had responded negatively to getting what he wanted.</p><p>.....</p><p>"Maybe it's because that wasn't what he wanted to hear from you. You think of that? He wanted to know if you could love, more specifically he wanted to know if you could love him, and you go and say that shit to him!" Anderson threw his arms out.</p><p>"I accepted him in his time, I would let him use me! I've laid my life for him! How could that not be love!? Of course I feel!" Nines was yelling now, it had been the first time in his life he had yelled out of anger or frustration.</p><p>"Then tell him that! Because believe it or not even half Vulcans have a hard time understanding emotions."</p><p>Ah.</p><p>So it had not so much had been about the coupling aspect of his Pon Farr that had caused Gavin to shake. It had not so much had been about Pon Farr at all. Yes of course it was his survival that had caused the urgency to confess such feelings, but it <em>had</em> been about his feelings for Nines. And judging by the broken heart when Nines had refused to acknowledge that aspect of it, Gavin did indeed love him.</p><p>He had asked if Nines could feel. He would show him as much. He would leave no room for doubt.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"Dammit Reed, I'm a Doctor not a Mechanic!"</p><p>*that he seemed to snap back to reality, (oop there goes gravity)* anyway.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Everlasting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Fuck! There's art from my Artist in this. actually really helped me figure out what i was gonna do for this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was almost funny how roles seemed to change. There was a part of him that was grateful for the chance he'd been given to fix things with his Captain. The fact that he had the opportunity at all was in all honesty a surprise to Nines. Given what he had done emotionally to his dear friend, he expected to be shut out for awhile if not forever, but to Gavin's credit he handled heartbreak very well. Gavin allowed if not welcomed Nines company in the recroom, however and understandably so their time together was more than a bit quite.</p>
<p>Nines was unsure at first about how Gavin would react to his request, but he did agree to spend his off hours together. After all, Nines was still his best friend and he had just got him back from the grave. However, he hadn't allowed Nines into his personal quarters, and when he asked, Gavin had been honest. He claimed he was meditating and it seemed he needed a lot of it.</p>
<p>All that extra time appeared to have worked well for Gavin. Nines supposed. He became just as he had before, and Gavin was true to his word. He could live with the pain as long as he was by the Android's side. It was clear he did not want to remove the Android from his day to day routine, even if he wanted to he couldn't.</p>
<p>There were certain things Nines didn't quite understand, questions he wanted answered. Given his current relationship status with Gavin, he certainly wasn't going to get the answers he greatly desired from him. In fact, he was certain he wasn't going to get the answers he wanted from any Vulcan. Which was honestly more than a bit frustrating.</p>
<p>Nines did have access to Gavin's I.D code, he had given it to him about two years ago now when he had been over run by "paper" work. Nines had offered to help with the workload. Perhaps that had been about the time when they developed the habit of residing in each others' quarters.</p>
<p>He never asked him to forget it, even when Nines had offered to, saying it would help him to have it if they were ever to get swamped again. It was apparent the Captain trusted him with it, after all Androids didn't have ulterior motives of malice intent.</p>
<p>Nines found himself now in a bit of a moral dilemma. He knew it was... not right, to use Gavin's I.D without his permission, but what he needed it for would cause no harm. He needed access to the Vulcan library. They were such a private race. Ultimately he decided to go forth and use it.</p>
<p>When the entirety of Vulcan history and knowledge became available to the Android, rather than taking more than he needed, Nines focused only on his queries. Absorbed and stored away such precious answers.</p>
<p>A blush did grace his features when he had learned just what he had been covering his injured Captain with all that time ago, but he found he couldn't contain his joy at knowing his kisses brought out a rumbling purr from his friend.</p>
<p>And to think, even after his right mind came back to him he still allowed Nines to touch him as a bonded pair only would. No wonder why his feral Captain reacted the way he did. He must have assumed, what with the chaste kisses that he must have been his bondmate taking care of him in his vulnerable state. His purring was out of pure safety and contentment, only when he came to his senses did he stop. But knowing now the feelings of his friend, his purring was cut off merely by control.</p>
<p>Well, Nines wanted more than anything to make him purr again, freely.</p>
<p>He was done studying.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>They had spent their lunch together that day, Reed had been in a better mood, a softer mood than most. A prime opportunity if any.</p>
<p>"Captain, I have a matter I'd like to share with you that I believe you'll find... interesting."</p>
<p>"Is that so Tin can?" He responded absently.</p>
<p>"Indeed. I have been working diligently on this."</p>
<p>"Oh a passion project. Alright lets have it." Gavin finished, turning to the Android with his hands on his hips.</p>
<p>"Right this way." Nines smiled.</p>
<p>Leading his Captain to private spot, Nines could swear he felt his mechanical heart pounding.</p>
<p>"So what is it?" Gavin asked looking around the meeting room.</p>
<p>"First I require your permission to make physical contact with you." and that did get Nines a pointed look.</p>
<p>"You have my permission." He said after a few moments of thinking it over, and Nines let out a heavy breath.</p>
<p>Gavin was uncertain as his First officer made his way toward him. Why did he need to touch him? And he appeared frozen as his glove was slowly peeled off. This... this wasn't what he thought it was surely. Nines was so close to him, so near that he could feel the heat of his body radiating off of his artificial skin.</p>
<p>There was hesitation in his movements, cautious and extremely anxious as brought forward two long and delicate fingers onto Gavin's own. Sliding them up and down along their length, Nines watched Gavin's body language intently.</p>
<p>
  <em>A Shuddering</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>of breathing</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>of skin</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A Fluttering</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>of lashes</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>of heart</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A Rushing current</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>of electric</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>of butterflies</em>
</p>
<p>Did Gavin feel this way as well? He really couldn't tell, which was alarming to the Android.</p>
<p>
  <em>'Please, say something. Let me know.'</em>
</p>
<p>Shock had taken control over Gavin's ability to move, to speak, to think. Quite understandably. Within that paralyzing emotion Gavin was almost certain he heard a thought, a voice, another feeling that he wasn't sure wasn't his own. Desperation.</p>
<p>"What- what are you doing?" the words finally came out albeit broken and swallowed.</p>
<p>"I am kissing you." Nines responded almost sadly.</p>
<p>"Don't...." Gavin forced out in a rasp whisper.</p>
<p>"Don't do this to me!" He pushed, and everything about the Android fell.</p>
<p>"I can't... I can't." Gavin muttered out, his hands shaking before stumbling over his own feet to run out of the room.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Nines had searched many rooms of the starship after the long minutes of his wallowing. He had not found him thus far. Entering the observation deck he was again disappointed. It seemed Gavin really did wish not to be found. Frustrated, the Android entered the room anyway, standing beside the room's sole other occupant.</p>
<p>"What is my purpose?" He asked out into the passing stars.</p>
<p>"I do not know." Elijah responded.</p>
<p>"How could you not? You created me." Nines turned to look at the man with pain in his eyes.</p>
<p>"I did do that. Then I let you free to make your own choices. Tell me, what do you do here on my brother's ship?"</p>
<p>"I am a biologist. Specializing in zoology and eco biology. My brother is the CMO of this ship."</p>
<p>"Brother? Biologist, Doctor? Why?"</p>
<p>"We both have a boundless interest in life." Nines answered stiffly and pride filled in Eli's chest.</p>
<p>"I am glad you chose family and love. Driven by the need to learn and grow. You have become more than I could have ever dreamed or hoped for." Eli beamed at the stunned Android.</p>
<p>"I never asked. What brings you here?" Eli asked returning his gaze back to the stars.</p>
<p>"I am looking for your brother."</p>
<p>"Are you now?" Eli smiled with his head down ,"I'm glad." he said before taking his leave.</p>
<p>----</p>
<p>Eventually and deep into the night, Nines had found his friend in shuttle bay, curled up into himself with his arms around his knees.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Gavin said when Nines kneeled down beside him, "I'm sorry I did this to you. Should'a kept my mouth shut."</p>
<p>"Gavin, meld with me."</p>
<p>"I can't." He turned his head away.</p>
<p>"<em>Please</em> Gavin. Which pain is lesser." And Gavin could hear the desperation in his plea, and it felt familiar to him.</p>
<p>He was right, and a Vulcan is taught that even the worst physical pain is only of the mind, but this pain in his heart could never truly be willed away.</p>
<p>With a curt nod he let Nines unglove his other hand and he brought them both up to the sides of his face. With a shaking wavering breath, Gavin aligned his fingers to Nines psi point. There were perhaps far too many emotions coursing through him at that moment. More than any he was afraid. Afraid of what he'd find, or rather not find, more so than the pain his hands would suffer.</p>
<p>However, as the meld began the first thing to pass through was comfort. There was no pain, and Gavin knew without being told that this was Nines doing. A long string of code used by the Android himself when he needed to ignore his injuries. Brainwaves and binary, organic or artificial it was all the same to the soul. For the first time in a very long time the burning flames were finally put out and smothered.</p>
<p>It was only when that had been firmly established that the rest of Nines flooded in. There was so much of him and it filled Gavin up to the brim. Drowning in him he lost the lines of his own soul to his. And it felt <em>wonderful</em>, he felt full and complete this way. He took in all that he could as one would finding water in the desert.</p>
<p>With a gasp he pulled out of the meld, Nines false skin retracted from the spot Gavin's fingers met his face, and Nines eyes flittered open as he smiled at him. Bringing his own hand up he placed an ozh'esta* onto Gavin's fingers.</p>
<p>"I guess I finally know. I'm not half of two worlds. Not half of earth or half of Vulcan, but half of you, half of me." Gavin said as he intertwined their fingers together out in front of them, his scarred flesh pressed against Nines exposed chasis.</p>
<p>"You've never been anything but whole to me Gavin. And I am whole because of you. We are greater than the sum of our parts."</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>gskfgvJHJLKFVGLA;FGJKFKKADAGUFIQJ. It's Done!!!!!! sorry for the long wait, from the writers block to very important and rather sad news of the death of a long family friend these things took it's toll. but I am very happy that I'm able to give this to you all. and now i can write my other stories. this was my first time in a reverse Big bang and i rather liked it. deadlines are a bit tough on me though. Working with my artist was very Nice and I'm glad they were a part of the writing process for this story. After all they are the reason its been written.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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